DANCE YOUR HEART OUT

“Aww come on. No harm.”

Dakara rests her hand on Kael’s knee, scooting her chair over a little so she can wrap her other arm as far as she can get it around his waist and lay her head over on him. As good as he is about supporting her in everything she does, she’s good at humoring him when his feelings get a little brooding. She’d grown up in a family where emotions got let out loud and often, so she’d never learned to feel any shame for expressing them. Kael hadnt been raised the same, so Dakara has always tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible when he does express himself. Often, they talk things out later.

This doesn’t feel terribly serious, so even though Dakara keeps her head laid over on Kael’s chest, she raises her eyebrows at Luna.

“And you, no need to get defensive, right? We’re all just curious. Its not every day you make a new friend. Not every day any of us do.”

In truth, they’ve all gotten so comfortable in this town that it still surprises Dakara when any of them do manage to meet someone they don’t know. Everyone seems to know everyone. But apparently she’d been wrong on that front.

“Was he polite to you at least? Got you home in one piece?”

While Dakara continues her line of questioning, Alliy pretends to be oblivious to Rowan steadily moving the toe of his shoe up her leg. She lets him move where he wants, giving him the most subtle, fake-surprised look she can when he nudges her skirt to make his way up to her thighs.

Once he’s there, she presses her lips together tight and pulls her thighs together, pressing them together hard and Rowan struggles to stay totally upright with his foot caught between her legs.

"I know, I know. I... I'm glad you got home safe and hope you don't catch a cold."

Even though the words are a little rushed, they're sincere. Luna can at least hear that much in Kael's tone. It takes a lot to not give a loud sigh of relief to see him calming down.

Dakara has always done that for him, ever since the day they met, been some sort of security blanket and safe space for him to emote. Granted, he's trying desperately to hold back right now. As Dakara had said: No harm done. He'll have to work to not talk her ear off later tonight when it's just the two of them. He gives her hand a little squeeze back, resting his head on top of hers.

"Yeah, he was really nice. We talked about theatre some. Imagine my utter joy when there's someone who can keep up with me in a basic conversation. I'll see him again on Monday, though."

Both Kael and Dakara tilt their heads in unison at the statement. It's hard not to laugh at just how in sync the two of them are now. Somehow, Luna manages to hold a giggle back, but she's still smiling at them.

"Well, whenever Lance picks me up, I make dinner for him as a way to thank him. Sometimes, I make it for Lance and Lunath just depending on the day. Well, since Shand is the one that picked me up, I offered to make dinner for him."

Kael's leg starts shaking more and more, bouncing furiously under the table the more Luna explains the situation. To his credit, he's smiling pleasantly through it all, nodding along, but he is actively aware of Dakara's hand in his and how much he doesn't want to squeeze her too hard.

"Mhm. So. Dinner on Monday? Like... A date?"

Luna's face heats up at that accusation. Where in the world did he get that from? She didn't say it would be anything like that.

"Noooooooo. I just told you, I do the same thing for Lance when he helps me out and it's not a date then."

"Yeah, because he's gay."

"He's bi."

"Okay, it's because he's taken."

"He wasn't the first several times he had to pick me up. He was very single back then."

"Mhmmmm."

Kael forces a little teasing laugh through his teeth, reaching to the bowls in the center of the table between the group.

"Let's eat, huh?"

He slams the large meat bowl down so hard that Rowan jolts yanking himself away from Alliy in a panic, eyes wide. He clearly thinks the two of them has been caught, he's not hiding the panic from his eyes. Once he has a moment to assess the situation, his shoulders slump a bit, relief washing over his face.

They aren't even looking at him- Well, okay, Kael is now because he's trying to pass the bowls around so everyone can take their portion. But no one is looking at him and Alliy suspiciously.

As if nothing had happened, Rowan takes the bowl from his brother and begins serving himself some food, eyes flicking up to Alliy, locking gazes with her, before looking to the rest of the room.

"Kael, don't break the table. You saved up two months for this."

His warning makes his twin groan, leaning back in his chair.

"Got it. Thanks, mom."

“Well, I️ think any of us would do the same, right? I️ for one am thankful anyone cave to pick Luna up when she needed it and although I’m sure it’s not necessary, it’s very kind to want to do something in return. I️ think we can all relate to that.”

Dakara clears her throat a little, watching how her whole arm and part of her upper body is jostled with how Kael’s leg jigs up and down. Truth be told, she finds it charming and utterly adorable how loyal to a fault Kael is, how fiercely he’s mentally separated their little group from the rest of the world, a sort of intentional family all their own.

She understands the anxiety of wondering if that will stand. If someone new will waltz in and ruin it, take Luna from them either physically or emotionally. But she can see Luna’s side, too. She simply wants to be polite, and Dakara thinks that if she really enjoyed it, she should be allowed to see Shand if she wanted. But that’s not something she’ll share with or try to explain to Kael just yet.

She oversees the passing of all the bowls around the table, keenly in tune with how this topic has shifted the mood of the whole group. Luna seems a little embarrassed and on edge, Kael is probably mere minutes from collapsing the floor in and sending them falling down into the studio below. And Rowan and Alliy seem uncomfortable too.

“You know, I’m sure it wasn’t that easy for any of you when Rowan and I️ started dating.”

Alliy speaks up suddenly, in a tone that says she’s started a whole new conversation entirely, but Dakara knows where she’s going with it.

“It was very kind of all of you to be patient when I️ started taking up more of Rowan’s time and then so accepting when he started bringing me to hang out with the two of you. Whenever that person comes around for Luna, I️ think we should all make sure to be the same. Not saying it’s Shand. Just saying.”

Dakara nods her head, pleased and approving, but the rest of them seem not quite as excited or moved.

Kael huffs indignantly, like, somehow, Alliy's statement doesn't make sense.

"No, you're different. You're a girl."

Rowan chokes hard on the bite of food he had just taken, immediately reaching for a drink only to see he doesn't yet have one in front of him. In a quick moment, he snatches Luna's mug of tea, taking a long gulp of it. It's hot and it burns but at least it helps clear his throat. Anything to try to distract himself from the table now.

All three women present are looking straight at Kael with various expressions. Luna just arches her eyebrow expectantly, trying to silently encourage him to continue and not leave that declaration as it is. She swears, sometimes she spends most of her time with him trying to dig him out of holes he's trying to bury himself in. Then again, Rowan does the same thing with his brother. Maybe that's just the guardian sort of role they're meant to play for Kael.

Kael at least notices the stares, the attention making him flush a deep red as he backpedals to explain himself, looking over at Alliy specifically with a pleading sort of expression. Begging her to listen to him and try to understand what he meant.

"No! No, I meant that as a compliment! You're a girl so you're just... Easier to get along with. It was easier to accept you joining our group. Boys, they're just. Boys are gross and I'm inherently more skeptical of them. Like, I don't know Shand, he could be some closet pervert or something that just lives for wonderful nice girls like Luna to walk around- No offense."

His apologetic gaze sweeps to Dakara now. He may not know Shand, but he knows Shand and Dakara are friends, dated at one point. It's probably wrong of him to bash Shand like this in front of her. In all honesty, he doesn't mean Shand specifically is the situation he's describing, just that any guy could be and he's using Shand as an example.

"Well, actually-"

Rowan decides to step in, cleaning his mouth with a napkin, eyes flicking to Kael a bit mischievously.

"If I remember correctly, back with Alliy and I first started dating, didn't you do something rather embarrassing-"

"No."

Kael cuts him off but it's too late. Luna gasps from the other side of the table as the memory sparks up in her mind as well.

"That's right! You showed up at my door drunk one night actually crying, saying Row didn't love you anymore. You even said... Oh, what was it? 'We don't need him, he sucks. We're a better family than he could ever be.' Right?"

Both Rowan and Luna share a quick wink before their playful gazes are back on Kael who is as red as a tomato. He wants to deny all of this but they all know. In his drunkenness, he had gotten them all involved with his low moment.

"I think, Luna, you had to call Dakara to come pick him up, didn't you? And then Dakara called me to come over and try to talk some sense into you when it was three in the morning and you were still crying."

"Aww. Change is hard, babe. It's okay. "

Dakara bites back a smile and uses all the determination she has to turn it into something more sympathetic as she pats Kael's knee.

"It's all worked out now, yeah? We're all thick as thieves. It's just the in between that can be hard sometimes. Nobody blames you."

As she continues gently patting against his knee, Dakara shoots a rare, almost threatening look up at the rest of them, as if challenging them to contradict her.

"Yes, exactly. It's all fine now. And any worrying we did to get here feels silly."

Alliy nods as if it's the final stroke on some legally binding document and in between bites, she gives a few extra emphatic nods at Dakara as a means of approving of the food.

"So all I'm saying is. Let's learn from our experiences and the next time our little group starts expanding, let's not let it be the end of the world. Although, sweetie, if you bring someone terrible to us, I don't think any of us will hold back. Just as a fair warning."

Alliy leans over in Luna's direction as if she's whispering it to just her, but her voice doesn't drop at all and has the rest of them there nodding.

Really, they're all just thankful that they hadn't had to be the ones to stage an intervention when Luna had started dating that most recent scumbag. He'd never gotten quite close enough to start coming to dinners and being a regular of the friend group, but from the little they'd seen of him, Dakara knows all the precise words Kael would have for and about him at all times. None of them had wanted to see her hurt, but they were all a little relieved when it had gotten broken off.

There's a bit of an awkward silence, but Dakara pounces, ever the conscientious hostess, to cut it off before it grows.

"I have extra cucumber slices and cherry tomatoes in the fridge is we need more. I can run and get them or any of you can if you want, you know to make yourselves perfectly at home."

"Guys, Lev was a fluke, come on. Don't hold that against me."

Luna can tell by how they all fall quite at the thought of not approving of someone she could bring home that Lev is clearly who they're all thinking about. It makes her shift awkwardly, looking around for some sort of out.

"Oh, no, we don't blame you for that guy."

Rowan quickly tries to interject, clear up the air to make sure no hard feelings are left. Dakara seems to have taken care of Kael and all his childish feelings, the saint that she is. He'll have to send her a floral arrangement tomorrow as a thanks for dealing with his brother on a daily basis.

But now someone needs to step in for Luna and it seems like that's falling on him right now as Kael still pouts down at his plate, leaning over to rest his cheek on top of Dakara's head.

"That... Man was abusive and manipulative. I don't think anyone could've guessed he would've turned out like that when we first met him. That's probably why he didn't want to hang out with the group as much. He knew we would've figured him out."

He looks to Alliy for approval, finding immediate relief when she nods in agreement with him on the matter. It's not that he needs her approval to survive but it sure as hell feels nice and makes days more pleasant.

"I know, I know... I just. I can't believe I was so stupid."

There was a lot that happened to her during her time with Lev. A lot, if not most of it, because of Lev himself. It hurts to think back on but, in front of people, it's more the feeling of shame and embarrassment that weighs her down.

"Luna Estenor is many things but stupid is not one of them."

Kael interjects quickly with an air of finality, but his gaze is soft, understanding as he tries to smile at her across the table.

Dakara notices plates starting to empty and facilitates another passing around of all the bowls.

"It's okay, love. When you have a kind and gentle heart, certain people will always want to take advantage of that. But you'll find someone who doesn't. Those people are out there, too."

Dakara smiles up at Kael, reaching up to offhandedly brush a stray strand of hair out of his face. She's overcome with the sudden desire to braid it all as she looks it over, but that will have to wait til later. They'll get to that after everyone goes home.

"But enough of that. Boys are okay, but no boys are okay too."

Alliy nudges Rowan again with the toe of her shoe under the table, sending him a little smirk before directing her attention back to Luna.

"Tell us how your dance classes are going. You're thinking about moving up to the next level class, right? You think you can manage all of that with auditions coming up?"

She tries to make her tone stay light, knowing that sometimes she can come across as critical or negative when she's really just simply a planner. She likes to get all the details and sort them out into a nice, neat little row, help people get organized and feel on top of things.

Which is why she and Rowan work so well together running the shop. She can get lost in the details, in organizing details all day long, to the extent that sometimes she forgets about the big picture altogether. That's when Rowan always swoops in with a little tap on the shoulder or a cup of tea of her, drawing her out of the forest of details so she can see the point of it all again.

"Honestly, guys, I don't know..."

Luna sighs, reaching for her cup of tea then immediately noticing how much is missing from when Rowan had grabbed it earlier. She throws a glare his way which makes him divert his eyes, as if he doesn't notice the look.

"It would be really good for me. Nearly private lessons with the Trita Airin? Can you imagine how good that would look? I bet I could get any theatrical job in any company with that, even if it's just part of the supporting cast."

Rowan tilts his head a little, crossing his legs under the table as he listens. She's right, that would be a perfect thing for her resume. Trita's name is rather well-known in the world of dance and that's trickled through to theater with her helping coordinate and choreograph dances for Broadway when she was living in New York.

It also seems that Trita likes Luna well enough to be a solid connection for future work, not just a bullet point on a resume. This really could be great for her.

"But?"

He lifts a brow, following her tone through her explanation, hearing the hesitation.

As he questions, he takes a quick look at Alliy, smirking at her with humor he's trying to mask because it doesn't fit the conversation. It's difficult though, she sure knows how to mess with him. As slight revenge, he bats at her calf with the toe of his shoe

"But. That's a lot of time. Auditions are next week and, if I get the part I'm going for, then I bet I'll be pulling longer hours to practice."

"Elphaba, right?"

Kael speaks up but what he says makes everyone turn to him in shock. The attention, in turn, makes him blush, fidgeting awkwardly beside Dakara.

"What? Just because I'm not- Just because I don't get theatre, doesn't mean I don't listen when you people talk. She told us the part she wanted weeks ago."

All his fidgeting jostles Dakara a bit, enough that he apologizes and plants a kiss on the top of her head.

"When she mentioned going out for it, he brought home a cd of the original cast recording that same day. He plays it in the car nonstop."

Dakara's grin turns a little mischievous, the closest thing she can manage to teasing, as she pokes him in the chest. He turns a little more red than he'd been before, and she pats over the spot she'd poked.

"Well, if you need extra time to sleep or whatever to keep from going crazy, you're not going to offend us if you skip out on a few dinners. Life happens, don't worry about that."

Alliy jumps in, always trying to make space and solve problems and make sure everyone feels comfortable with enough space to breathe. Again she knows sometimes that can come across as pushy or negative, but everyone here knows she just does it out of love.

"Even, we can bring food to you. If you're late coming back from practice or something. There will always be more than enough leftovers here. I'm sure you'll be tired a lot, and it's just easier to have food waiting."

Dakara sits up, perked up now at the opportunity to do more of her makeshift mothering. The idea genuinely excites her, and Kael has to sit back a little in his chair so that Dakara can lean forward and make intense, serious eye contact with Luna.

"Really, we can all make it work. No problems there. And we're right beside the dance studio, so I can just pack you up a little plate and bring it over as soon as you're done!"

Kael watches the back of Dakara's head as she leans forward, engrossed with mothering Luna who looks absolutely at a loss for what to do with that sort of attention. Luna shifts in her seat, looks away, mumbles some sort of excuse for Dakara to not do all of that, then looks back and blushes when Dakara has thought of some sort of counterargument. A gentle counterargument born out of love, but one nonetheless.

It makes him smile to watch, see these two interacting but, the main thing that sticks out in his mind, is just Dakara. She always is that one thing his mind wanders back to. It's as natural as breathing. She's so considerate of everyone, so ready to help, he's never met a single person like her in his entire life.

And why someone that patient and caring decided to even look twice as his muscle-head self will forever be beyond him.

"No, really, you don't have to do all of that, I promise-"

Luna tries her best to calm Dakara down, not wanting anyone to go out of their way and do something like that for her. Just because her life is crazy doesn't mean she has to push that off on other people. Expect them to help carry the stress.

"I don't really think she was giving that to you as a suggestion. It more sounded like her now active plan."

But of course it's not that easy with this group to keep them from going out of their way, Kael just makes that all the more obvious when he backs Dakara up, smiling, beaming with pride over the motherly nature she's exuding.

"You know, I bet Alliy and I can help, too. We can walk Nameless during the day if your hours increase."

As soon as he makes the helpful suggestion, he looks over across the table at Alliy to double check and make sure that's actually okay with her.

"Sure we can! And with our delivery schedule, you never know when one of us is going to be driving around town either, so if you ever need a ride, we can help you out, too."

Alliy adds, but after she leans back in her chair, another thought crosses her mind and, although they've managed to peaceably put this topic to bed, she thinks it deserves bringing back up again, even momentarily, since it's relevant.

"Unless, of course, you have... other people... helping you out with rides. That's perfectly fine, too. Just, if you find yourself without options, you know we're always here for you."

She lifts her glass and sips at it, keeping her eyes down just in case she's stirred up a round of fresh trouble. Rowan is shaking his head at her subtle attempts to endorse Luna's growing social life, trying to hold back an amused smile.

"Oh, yes, yes of course. I didn't think about- well, if you ever have any extra dinner plans beyond this, that's fine too. Goodness, I'm sorry, I don't mean to push anything on you. You have a lot of exciting things going on in your life. That's wonderful."

Dakara takes Alliy's hint and runs with it not quite as subtly, going so far as to even shift a little back and forth in her seat with some of her pent up excitement. So much going on, she thrives in that kind of environment. Slow and steady is perfect for her own life, but she loves to see other people with schedules full of things and people they love, busting about from one thing to the other. It's like looking out a window and seeing a huge, beautiful garden growing and blooming.

It's been all day and well into the evening hours with still no word from Dolan about her bike. She finds herself pacing in the living room of the apartment, eyes flicking to the side to glance out the window and watch the front of his garage. Are the lights still on? Is he still in there working? Has he even made it to her bike yet or is he putting that behind other work?

And why does it make her so nervous to think about calling the garage number or, even worse, going over the check for an update in person? That's got to be annoying, right? Customers just showing up and all.

But she really needs her bike back... Not that she has anywhere to go, that's not the point. It would just make her feel better to have it back in her possession. That's all.

After several minutes of this, she sags her shoulders, giving up. It's only a couple of minutes at most before she's down the stairs, walking out the studio, across the street, and through the main entrance of the garage, all bay doors closed for the night.

It's not unlocked... It should still be open, right? Someone should be here.

Trita walks around awkwardly, trying to listen out for any sign of someone working, of someone even being in the general facility.

"Hello? Dolan? I'm here to check on my bike."

Her voice echoes a bit in the silence, filling her with this overwhelming feeling that she shouldn't be here on multiple levels for multiple reasons. First and foremost, this is probably trespassing. Second, she's being annoying. Third... Does it look like a desperate ex thing to come quietly walking into someone's place of work like this? It sure feels like it.

Dolan has been in his office chair for hours, leaned back with his feet propped up on the desk, staring at the ceiling and tossing a small stress ball up into the air over and over. A mindless thing that gives his body a small outlet for nervous energy while his mind turns over on itself, like it has been all day long.

Seeing her again, for the first time, after so long. It had dredged up a lot. Feelings more intense than he's used to, memories that he doesn't know how to handle anymore. Thoughts and longings that he thought he'd buried safely under years and years of mundane and practical things. But still, here they are again, just as strong and insistent as ever.

He thinks he imagines it at first, because he wouldn't be surprised, the way his mind is working. But then after a few moments he realizes, after the pounding on the door, that he can look through and see the tips of her ears out of the window panel on the door. He jumps out of his chair, nearly falling from how he's positioned himself, and runs to the door, unlocking it and throwing it open.

"Damn, I'm sorry. I was just. Wow, I'm sorry to have made you wait."

With that hanging in the air, his stomach drops at all the different connotations that has. Past and present. He scratches at the back of his head and sighs a little from the tension weighing on his chest.

"I did poke around a bit, you've actually just got an air leak in the head gasket. Too much air getting into your engine, screwing with the air to fuel ratio. Pretty simple issue. I had to order the part though, so until that gets in, I just adjusted the tightness in the intake manifold, so that should buy you a few days until the part comes in."

He rattles it all off, probably to fill the silence, out of fear that it'll get filled with something else more personal that he doesn't want to deal with right now.

"That sounds pretty bad. Are you sure it's safe to drive before that part gets here? I mean, not that I'm the mechanic here, you obviously know better."

Trita tries to give him a pleasant smile, stepping back so she's not crowding the doorway to his office.

She'd nearly forgotten how tall he is which- That's stupid, she just saw him this morning. But something about standing in front of him again like this just throws it all in her face to try to take in again. Take in and ignore how it makes her heart beat faster like it did back in high school.

This isn't high school. This isn't some world where everything between them is fine, like nothing happened at all. In this reality, if one believes in multiple dimensions, their paths split in a rocky fashion and now there are just sharp shards of glass all around them. Painful to step on, even worse to look down into and see memories reflected back.

That... Was an oddly specific longing thought, his height and wishing she was in a different timeline somewhere. It makes her clear her throat, turning to look around the garage, trying to be as casual as possible.

"So, when do you think that part will be in?"

“Oh, no, a couple days will be fine. I️ mean, as long as you’re not taking it on any nonstop road trips or anything.”

It’s out of his mouth so quickly. He normally thinks through everything, has filters in place, double checks every word before it leaves his mouth. But her presence, just her being here, seems to throw him haywire every time. Now, he can’t stop thinking about all those weekends they’d slip into his car with nothing but what they were wearing and drive up the coast, no real destination in mind, for days, only turning around to come back when they knew they had to be at school the next day. And sometimes that wasn’t even enough to deter them.

God, its been years since he’s seen that car. He still pays the storage unit fee every month, but he’d learned a long time ago that going to check on it, rolling that door up and looking at it again, slipping into the drivers seat and just sitting there for hours, brought back too many memories, in a painful way he realized was just torturing himself with no payoff. He wonders often why he hadn’t just sold it all those years ago like he’d told Kvanne he had. Sometimes he considers doing it still. But he always winds up at the same answer. He just can’t.

“It’ll only be a few days to get the part anyway. We’ve got a pretty good delivery service around here.”

He naturally wants to launch into catching up, talking to her all about everything that’s happened while she’s been away. Aleric and Naemi, Kvanne getting married. Everyone else’s everything. When he thinks about it, none of the things he’d say really involve himself. Because what had he done all this time? Sure, he’d gotten married to prove to himself and everyone else that he could move on. It had failed when he’d realized it had been a lie. He’d had kids, pulled them into this weird struggle his family has had since the day Trita had left. He hasn’t done anything worth being proud of or worth sharing.

But there’s still an itch there. He wants to hear it all. He wants her to talk about where she’s been, what she’s done. He knows it’ll hurt him, drive that knife even deeper the more he realizes what a mistake he’d made, how he’d ruined his life beyond repair with that one decision. But she’s been living her dreams. And it’s been so long since he’s seen that full-on, excited smile.

“You... your nights are pretty late too, I️ guess?”

This is dumb. She’d had to track him down to get the details about her bike, and now all he wants to do is dance around in small talk until he can muster up enough courage to do more. He can only imagine how frustrated she must be with him.

"Eh... It kind of all depends."

Depends on what? On how late she stays up thinking about all the "what if's" or all the ways she wishes she could redo things? Even all the things that are still keeping her weighed down and ruining everything every single day?

All the times she thinks about him still? Thinking about how going to sleep next to him was always the best or how he made the perfect pillow?

Definitely not saying all of that to him. Imagine how creeped out he'd be to hear she's still so obsessed. It's not like she's looking to scare him nor embarrass herself.

With a shrug, she tacks on a quick follow-up. A quick excuse, a lie.

"You know how it goes with owning a business. If there's paperwork that needs to be done at the end of the day, you stay as long as you need to finish it."

Trita shifts her weight a bit, trying to keep herself from standing too rigidly, from looking too uncomfortable with how out of place she feels in his life now. She shouldn't, there hasn't been a place for her for years. No room to stand and feel like things have shifted and she doesn't fit in anymore.

"So... I mean. You're here kind of late tonight, too. Hope I didn't distract you from anything important."

Distract him? From anything important? Does thinking about her qualify? It shouldn't, but it does.

"Oh, no. No. I kind of just. Hang around here after I finish things up for the day. Like you said, there's always paperwork."

He knows that must make his life sound pathetic, like he's never moved on or made life anything more for himself than what it was then. He wants to see better than that, although it would be a lie.

"So you... how..."

He shrugs a little, more to try and dissipate the tension he feels in his shoulders than because of any topic of conversation.

"How are you?"

He knows they'd talked only that morning and not a ton could have changed since then. Maybe, except that she's more frustrated about her bike now that she's had to corner him over it. But he means more in general. The tone of his voice deepens, slows, conveys that he means how have you been all these years ? Which is a much more intimidating thing to try and say.

"I mean, with everything. How is everything?"

Everything. Ha. Everything meaning nothing. It's all gone. Everything she worked for, the everything she talked about and left him in Portland for, was ripped from her years ago.

That would probably be therapeutic for him, wouldn't it? To hear how much she screwed up, how badly she failed. This impossible dream that separated them had blown up fast. To hear he was right and she was wrong, it was a fleeting passion, something unsustainable.

But she can't find the words to say all of that. They all get caught in her throat, as does the resentment she may feel towards him. Why? Part of her feels justified to be upset with him, but every time she tries a different part can't hold onto the feeling. Not when he's here like this, standing in front of her again after all this time.

"It. It's been going. I mean, obviously I'm not touring anymore. Some... Things happened that have taken that option from me. But. You know. I've got the studio now. Teaching is fun."

It's something she said she'd do once she retired from her professional career, not something she'd do right in the middle of it. But it's fun. It at least keeps her dancing when everything else wants to pin her down and keep her still. It's a great opportunity and she has to force herself to think of it that way or else she knows she'll spiral.

"But, yeah. What about you? Got that steady job like you told me you would."

She shouldn't have added that extra part because it just brings back a flood of emotions and memories she'd like to forget. At the end of everything, that very conversation that broke it all off, but before it had exploded into something beyond repair, he had tried to entice her to stay in Portland with him by saying he'd find something steady. Reliable. They could live a moderate, comfortable life here in town.

At the time, the thought had seemed repulsive, settling down, never moving on to other things... Now she wonders what would have happened if she agreed, if she had stayed and listened to his logic. It had obviously been the more reasonable of their two different future plans.

If anything, they wouldn't be like this now.

Trita clears her throat, scuffing the heel of her shoe against the cement garage floor.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Seriously, just. How has it been back here?"

"Ah, it's. It's steady, I suppose."

He forces a chuckle. But he can't say that phrasing hadn't cut him a little bit. It brings that conversation, in all its full fledged heat and anger and frustration and heartbreak, back to him like it had been yesterday. It's not the first time he's relived it and it certainly won't be the last, but it's the first time he's snapped back to it while in her presence. It's a strange, surreal, hollow ache of a feeling.

"I started the shop soon after.... have just been doing the same old thing since, I guess. Nothing exciting or groundbreaking."

Like you. He keeps his smile up, but answering her question in return guts him in a way he hadn't expected. He keeps getting one step closer to admitting to her that he'd been wrong, he'd ruined his life, he'd hurt her deeply, and he'd paid for all of it with this awful, boring, mundane hell he's created around himself. This hell that's been devoid of her.

But if he's developed anything in the years following that fight, it had been thicker skin. Thicker walls. More emotional distance from, well, everything. Has he truly cared about anything since she left? A painful question, but one with a definite and certain answer, still.

"I guess you've had enough time to meet everyone on the street, right? Everyone's pretty tight knit. It's a nice location to be. But I guess you know that already. The bakery being just down there and all."

He's grasping at something, anything, to try and prolong this conversation. He's not sure why, because it makes him feel like he's dying, with his heart beating out of his chest and his palms starting to feel a little sweaty. But he'd sooner die than have her say goodnight and turn around and walk away.

"Hey, listen. I know it's been. I know when we last talked, it. Well. Would you maybe wanna... I don't know, catch up or something? Sometime? If not, that's. That's fine. I just. It's been a really long time."

He can feel his voice shaking in his throat even before he speaks, but once it's done, that terrible butchered train wreck of an invitation, it's done. His eyes dart nervously from his shoes to the floor and then back up to meet her eyes.

Yes.

With more control than she thought even she had in her, she keeps herself from saying her immediate response, keeps the first thing that pops into her head safely tucked away in her mind. It can't do damage there.

Well. It can, but only to her and when she's laying in bed alone regretting everything she's ever done. But it can't cause her painful embarrassment if she never has to say it, especially with an overly eager tone like she's sure it would have come out as.

And he'll never know this internal battle she's struggling with because her pleasant smile never fades. At least she has that level of composure.

After a few awkwardly quiet beats, Trita clears her throat, looking at a clock on a nearby wall to give herself something to do, trying to make it look as intentional as possible.

"I don't see why not. It has been a really long time, it can't hurt to go catch up."

She shrugs her shoulders as she looks back at him, tilting her head a bit. Really, she's just trying everything in her power to move like a normal, functioning person and not someone on the verge of haywiring.

Yet. She also feels like she's subconsciously trying to look... Cuter? No, Trita Airin does not pull the cutesy-card, that is not how she flirts- Wait, is she flirting? She's not supposed to be. Is she so out of touch with talking to someone she's still very attracted to that she's unintentionally flirting and flirting in a way that is typically uncommon to her? How is that possible. Next thing she knows, she'll be twirling her hair as she looks up at him through her eyelashes.

Her ears flick a few times in annoyance with herself, much like a horse swatting away flies with its tail. Except... She's the fly to herself. Not a great metaphor but she still manages to feel it on a spiritual level right now.

"So. Did you have anywhere in mind? Or maybe even a when?"

"Uh. I. Didn't actually... think that far ahead."

He lets out a relieved little chuckle like an antsy burst of air, momentarily biting on his lip, rubbing the hair against the back of his neck, all of the nervous ticks at once. Normally he's nothing like this. Nothing can shake him one way or the other. Normally, it's like he can't feel anything at all.

But damn if this isn't like feeling everything all at once. Stuff he should have felt over the years flooding in on him. And honestly, he'd expected her to turn him down. To tell him, in different words, that she'd moved on and so should he, that he should stop being pathetic and actually get on with his life.

But she'd paused. That initial pull back. That Trita thing, that piece of composure she's always had. He knows that still, right off. And it makes him a little giddy.

"Uh, when works best for you? I know you've got a class schedule to work around. I can be free for whatever works."

He sounds too eager, he knows. He doesn't care. He hadn't had enough time to think out what he would say in this situation not to sound this way. He'd never thought he'd be in any situation like this, with her, again.

"There's this... this place a few streets over. Sit down place. Kinda like Carlo's, back from school?"

It's indulgent, of course, to bring that up. Maybe he's getting too comfortable and carried away now. It had been their favorite spot in high school, a place they'd frequented. They'd had their own preferred booth that they'd spend hours in even on weeknights. The pizza had been pretty good, and they'd always served breakfast all day.

Maybe it's even more indulgent than he's originally thought to assume that she'd want to go somewhere to eat with him. To some sit-down place like a date. He'd intentionally not called it that, so as not to make her feel any more awkward than either of them do already. But to name a restaurant makes it clear as day, now. Especially now that he's let slip that he's gone to this place and thought back to all the nights they'd spent at Carlo's together. He's not doing himself any favors tonight, is he?

"Oh wait- Did they close down Carlo's? I was... I was kind of hoping to go back, I just haven't gotten around to it. Their deep-dish was the best in town."

It hits her all at once that she's been gone so long that her memories of this place are fading. Not from her mind, but physically. All the things she loved, that made this place home, places she used to brag about in stubborn devotion to her hometown, are physically gone. When she left Portland, she didn't know how much she was losing forever.

After the initial hurt of everything, she always told herself she'd come back, visit her favorite places. That's not completely possible anymore, is it?

And... And maybe it hurts more because of the memories associated to those places. Back before she knew Dolan was still here, those were the only places that were proof of what they had. The only places to remind her that the best days in her life had been real.

"Well. I doubt this new place will be as good as Carlo's, but if you're vouching for it, I'll trust you."

Then again, maybe she doesn't need those places anymore. The smart reasoning would be because she's moved on. The more truthful reason is that Dolan never left, he's still here in this town. He is the most concrete proof she needs that the happiness she felt all those years ago was real.

That thought makes her stomach feel a little light. Nothing she can't ignore, per usual, but it's still a very real feeling she's having. It's bittersweet but, for some reason, her mind is more focusing on the sweet part of it tonight.

"Maybe tomorrow night? My last class ends at seven. We could go after, if that's not too late for you?"

"Well, they were gonna close it down for a while. It was a whole big thing."

He waves one hand, trying to communicate efficiently the pandemonium it had plunged their whole town into.

"In the end, they found a new place to rent, but it was all the way over in Hillsboro. So. I mean, I never went back after they moved."

He's never been much of anywhere since then, has he? He's insulated himself here, more or less. As to move away would be to move on, the one thing he can never quite press himself to do all the way, deep down. He can put on a good act in front of Kvanne, for the family, but he knows, can admit to himself, that he's never gotten over her and never will.

Besides, even if they hadn't moved towns, how could he have gone back to Carlo's without her? It would have been dead and empty, like some graveyard. A painful reminder of what he'd ruined.

He starts to plan multiple events ahead, to tell her that maybe one night they can drive over and check it out, have one more deep dish for old time's sake, but he stops himself short because he realizes that this one night, this one catching up, as he'd called it, could be it. This could be the endcap on years and years worth of uncertainty. Closure.

That should feel good. That should give him some relieved feeling, like he's finally mending things, patching over this big gaping hole in his life. But, after all this time, he finally realizes that what he wants isn't closure at all.

"Uh, no, that's. That's fine by me. I mean, I'm practically here all night every night."

He shrugs a little, fully embracing how desperate he knows he's coming off. Because now he realizes it's not just some fluke of a feeling he's having. He really is desperate, isn't he? He can't let go of this. Hasn't been able to for years, won't be able to now that she's back standing here in front of him, either.

"You want me to... I mean, I know you're just across the street but. Should I, like, pick you up...?"

Pick her up?

This... This really is some sort of date, isn't it? Who would have ever thought her life would be leading her back to this moment, back to him like this. It feels surreal, makes her head feel light. The world and what she thought she knew of it feels less grounded.

Do second chances really exist like this? It seems improbable. Besides, her mind is really jumping ahead on this one. What if things don't go well and he realizes he really is better off without her? What if she can't win him over and back, it's too late and he's as gone as she always thought he was before seeing him again this morning?

This could hurt. This could all come crashing down and hurt. Open old wounds, create new ones... But there's an irresponsibly hopeful part of her that doesn't believe that, that thinks this will turn out how she desperately wants it to in the end.

"Well, no offense, but I still don't completely trust my bike. If you don't mind me hopping a ride with you, that would be great."

She ropes her bike back into this as a smooth excuse to make this still seem casual, to not put too much pressure on this event tomorrow.

"We can ride together which is always nice for meeting up, no having to text the other that we're there. I can pay you back for gas, too. I don't mind."

"It's not like I have to go very far to pick you up. And this place is just a block or two."

He shoves his hands into his pockets to keep him from fidgeting with them, making up a few excuses of his own to make this seem like less of a big deal than his thundering heartbeat says it is.

Are they really going out together? Somehow, the night stops feeling like some ordinary human experience and suddenly he's right back in high school, fresh out from underneath the hood of that blue corvette, swatting at her tail with his hand towel as he starts to clean up for their trip to Carlo's. It's like no time has passed at all. She still does all the same things to his nervous system.

God, stop. Stop. He has to remind himself that they're both different people now. Probably irreparably so. He'd lost his sense of adventure altogether. She'd fallen in love with him back then probably, most likely, because he'd been a rebel, kind of a bad boy without an actual cause. That kind of thing had been cute in high school. Now, what is he? A mechanic. And nothing more beyond that. A failure, a screw up. A divorcee. A deadbeat dad. A has-been. Nothing that would be, in any world, appealing anymore.

And here she is, standing in front of him, famous now. Her name's made it's way around the world along with her face, her moves, her legacy. She's had anyone and everyone she wanted, he's sure, and there's no way her matured tastes could include him anymore.

But if standing here in her presence doesn't make him feel like a real person again, like he could be worth something. What a dangerous road to go down.

"But yeah. Yeah, okay. So I'll... drive on over there around seven?"