Double Date?

"Hello, how may I help you?"
We all looked up to see that the waitress had arrived. Shand's head immediately tilted like a mechanical, confused bird and his eyebrows raised. Of course, he couldn't understand the waitress' thick accent. But that couldn't be helped now.
"Um, yes, I'd like this, please," I pointed to an item on the menu that I wasn't going to embarass myself trying to pronounce.
"To drink?"
"Water, please... Shand?" I grinned across the table, ready for some entertainment at his expense. "Ready to order?"
"Sure... I'm going to open myself up to strange cultural customs and try the human pork," Shand snapped his menu shut matter-of-factly. "And if I get ostracized by society, then so be it, at least I tried something new."
The waitress jotted his order down as if she heard the mix-up all the time. "You want fried rice, brown rice, or noodles?"
The look on Shand's face was priceless. His mouth was in between some sort of large, gaping protest and a cringe.
"Don't have all day, Shand," Dolan reminded him inconspicuously from the other side of the table.
"I...uh...hang it all, if I'm doing the cannibal thing, I might as well pitch a tent and campt out on the wild side while I'm here... uhh... I'll go with the... fried lice, then." Shand's face was a mix of horror and obstinance as he handed the waitress his menu and awaited his fate.

I was sure that I had missed something before this but that didnt mean that everything that had just happend wasnt funny. I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing...there was a point I had to turn my face away while covering my mouth.
"And for you?" I frowned as I looked at the name...Micaela had the smart approach, just point to it, that way there was no way someone could mess up.
"Yes, I'd like this." She nodded and wrote it down with the rest of the order.

Dolan followed suit with his order, and the waitress took the menus and went back to the kitchen with the orders. I sighed and folded my hands on the table, forcing a smile. "Alright. Let's try to make pleasant conversation that has nothing to do with mutilation, pillage or plundering, or killing anything. We'll all be eating very shortly and I'd like to enjoy my food."
Shand glared at me. "You could've just said outright that you didn't want me to talk. You could've just gagged me when we got in the car."

I smiled, "Well then this date would be terrible for me if you couldnt talk." Then I nodded, "Though I agree, I'd like to enjoy my food as well."

"Well I'll talk about flowers, then," Shand grinned over at Samantha. "Buttercups and hawaaian flowers, and-"
"They're called hibiscuses," Dolan mumbled.
Shand glanced over at Dolan with an incredulous expression. "Why do you know that?!"
"...common knowledge..." Dolan muttered and looked away.
"Well, anyways... hawaaian flowers and cupcakes and all kinds of-"
"I thought you were sticking to flowers," I interjected.
"Well... flowers and happy things in general," He replied, nodding. "So flowers and cupcakes and puppies and... uhh.... strong...beverages..."
"That falls under your 'happy' category?" I asked, one eyebrow raised inquiringly.
"Eh, well, I'm running out of options, here," Shand shrugged innocently.
"That's sad," Dolan remarked quietly.
"The apple doesn't fall far," I glanced over at Dolan, "He got his pessimism from you, I'll have you know."
"I can think of more happy things than that."
"I want seven, now."
"Shiny sharp things, sun while it's raining, watching kids play-fight, things that are sharp but not necessarily shiny, kissing somebody you love, poisononous mushrooms, feeling the wind on your face, being able to protect everything you care about, and... puppies. I'll go with him on that one."
"Wow... that's nine," I commented with a smile. "And some of them were actually rather good."
Shand smoldered over in the corner, his brow furrowed and his arms folded.

I nodded in agreement, "That's true, some of those were very good. I'm impressed, Dolan, I didnt think you could do that."

Dolan gave a soft chuckle. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"I don't think that was a vote of confidence," Shand shook his head. "I'd don't think she'd give you one of those."

"not that I'm usually on Dolan's side...if anyone you three know that, but why wouldn't I give him a vote of confidence every blue moon, Shand?" I turned to face him and waited for an answer.

"Well, because... because," Shand stuttered, taken aback, as I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing. Dolan was enjoying seeing Shand speechless for once as well. "Well because, you know, if HE has a vote of confidence, that's one vote of confidence that... that you're not giving to me. I want them all."
Dolan had to turn his head and bite his lip to keep from bursting out in laughter. "In case you didn't notice, Samantha, Shand never learned to share as a child."

"You cant settle with having all but one of my votes of confidence?" I raised on of my eye brows and smiled,"I suppose now is a good time to teach you the art of sharing."

Shand wrinkled his nose as if he smelled something bad. "Sharing is like the plague. It's catching, and it puts everybody on the same level. Nobody gets ahead."
"Well your philosophy on the subject explains a lot," Dolan mumbled.
"Really, though. If you shared with everybody, we'd all have the same amount. Then no one would ever win. There have to be winners and losers. And I ususally prefer to be on the winning side, when I can."

I nodded as I listened to his logic behind sharing my votes of confidence, "So, you dont want me to give away votes of confidence unless they're to you so that you can be the 'winner'." I tilted my head, "What exactly would you be the winner of, Shand?"

"Well, your confidence, obvioulsy," Shand grinned. Dolan, of course, rolled his eyes.

I shook my head,"sometimes I really wonder about you... Since when have you wanted my confidence? I need to know why I can't give it to other people... Like Dolan... Granted this will probably be the last time he'll get it in months." I smiled," then again it's not like you care, right Dolan?"

Dolan shook his head and smiled supportively. "Oh, no....no, I'll get along fine without it."
"Well..." Shand opened his mouth, then closed it...then opened it again, and furrowed his brows. "Your confidence is important to me..." He scratched his head and got fidgety, knowing that in order to make any sense at all, he'd have to quit acting goofy for a few seconds and actually say something truthful. "I don't get that kind of vote very often... and yours are extra special....plus I just don't like Pops, so there. He can't have my stuff."

"I think your son really likes you, Dolan." I smiled and shook my head,"I have a hard time believing Micaela doesn't give you votes of confidence from time to time." I figured I'd bring her into the conversation as well. I smiled and looked in her direction,"right?... Though I do appreciate the fact mine are special, I'll remember that."

I leaned across the table. "Trust me, mine don't mean as much."
"I mean, he named me 'Shand'. Why would I like him after that?" Shand glared at Dolan.
"Your mother picked that out. I told her she was out of her mind. Or drunk. Or something."
"Yeah, but YOU decided to use it."
"When you get married one day Shand, you will discover several important things. One, that you enjoy sleeping much more than you ever thought possible, and two, happy wife, happy life. Even if you ruin your kid's in the process." Dolan shrugged innocently.
"Thanks Pops." Shand's expression fell flat as I smiled and looked up to see that the food had arrived.

I shrugged as the food was being passed out," I don't know, I like your name quite a lot." I smiled at the waitress when she set my food down,"it ranks very highly on my favorite names list."

"If I was significantly less charming and more awkward and less gorgeous and more abrupt and less entertaining, then would you still like it? How about if it was spelled with a 'c'? The French-looking way?" Shand's eyebrows raised in anticipation, half joking and half serious. Then he caught sight of his food, and his expression melted off into something like horror again.

I watched his expression as I tried to word my answer in my head... I settled with a semi mushy one but saved it mentally for a better time to answer

Her lack of an answer seemed to steal a bit of his faked-confidence, so Shand just wrinkled his lips and sat back, trying to keep the steam rising from the food from entering his nostrils at all.
"Is that an eyeball?" He asked slowly, poking at something with a fork.
"Come on Shand, don't be a baby," I laughed. "I've had you eat much, much worse before."
"You have?" He asked with a terrified expression.
"You're a pirate, what can I say?" I asked, taking a bite of noodles. "Isn't that... just another way of saying been everywhere, done everything?"
"Everything but this," he whined.

I nodded and tok a bite of my fried rice,"it'll be ok, Shand... The only use spittle bit of human meat in their food." I looked at his horrified expression," I was just kidding."

"I honestly don't know what you're so worked up over. Don't you remember the time you were on that island with the natives and ended up eating human flesh without knowing it?" I asked, continuing to eat. "That wasn't so bad."
"Must've blocked it out," He gulped, staring down his plate like it was an enemy ship. "...I don't know if I can make it through this."
"Ah, what a shame," Dolan twirled some noodles around his fork, almost playing more than he was eating. "We'll miss you, Shand. Life will be much...quieter... with you gone."
"I WASN'T FOR SERIOUS!" Shand folded his arms and pouted.

I took another bite,"you'll be fine, from what ive heard, your entire life has been filled with much worse." I looked down at the plate,"the only warning I have is it's pretty hot so don't burn yourself." it felt like I was talking to a young child

"I'll wait," He folded his arms, wrinkled his nose, and slouched a bit in the booth, very much a little child.
"Well," I sighed, not really sure what to do from here... Shand obviously wouldn't be providing much of the conversation, with the fabulous mood he was in. "Dolan, have any stories to tell?"
He looked at me like I had a snake slithering out of my nose. "...Do you have a deathwish?"
I gave him the sternest face I could. "Do you want to be erased from the story?"
He sighed. "You wouldn't."
"Try me. I almost killed Lunath."
"YOU WHAT?!?" Dolan nearly choked on his water.
"Yeah, see, I'm hardcore."